Do or do not. There is no try.

I recently dreamed I was in a large audience where an unidentified leader asked for a volunteer to lead a big project. They looked at me, and I said something like I will try, but I couldn't do it alone. Someone else stood up and said they would take on the project, and I could feel the audience staring at me with disdain. So much so that it woke me up.

I am not the type of person who looks for a lot of meaning in my dreams, mostly because I don't remember them. But this one woke me up, and I spent the rest of the early morning lying in bed, considering why it bothered me.

This was similar to talking to others and asking them how we get something done, and their answer is something like, "We don't have the resources." That wasn't the question; the question was, what would it take? My dream was similar because the question was not, "Would you deliver this project by yourself." It's not a question of ensuring a successful outcome; it's a question of pulling together enough for a reasonable discussion on feasibility.

The response I would guide my dream self to give is: Sure, I will lead that big project for you. Then, I would document what it's going to take to get it done and present that to the stakeholders. 

This dream bothered me because I was settling for trying when I knew better.

Be a Student of Management

My experience is being a manager is hard. More specifically it's hard to do well. In my career I have tried being a manager and decided it was not for me and gone back to being an individual contributor. I liked the idea of being a manager but could tell I was not ready to be a good manager.

It wasn't until I became a manager where I was also considered an officer of the company and the company enrolled me in a year-long training. Oh wait, there is training for this? This is when I became a student of management. The assumption that the skills that made me a great individual contributor were the same as the ones I needed to be an equally great manager were quickly dispelled. I needed to grow some new muscles.

I am a naturally curious person, so this was something I wanted to learn more about. That is after I swallowed a little humility. I started off reading a handful of books recommended as part of the development program. These were helpful and gave me a foundation for the type of manager I wanted to be. But it was only through trying (and at times failing) that I learned where my weaknesses were. The biggest one was to not try and control the outcomes of using my technical expertise. This is where I came up with the pattern I called controlled failure - a topic for another post.

The key for me has been to acknowledge that as good of a manager I am, that I need to remain humble. There is always something new to learn. I have learned things at the best and worst of times. My goal is never stop learning how to be the best manager I can be - to always be a student.

Adam Grant is someone I have learned a bunch from.